I had a conversation with speaker, life coach and author Rocky Garza on life, the choices we make, our happiness and our individual pursuit our time well spent here on earth.
We use me as the guinea pig and Rocky and I walk through my scenario, my situation, my thoughts and actions. It was enlightened and he brings up there really cool thought process about our choices and how there is always two truths and a lie and it’s up to accept the two truths and how we take action with those truths.
Once again, thank you very much for listening. I am humbled and grateful to be in your ears.
Speaker – Coach – Author
Author of: Kill Doubt Build Conviction
Podcast Music By: Andy Galore, Album: “Out and About“, Song: “Chicken & Scotch” 2014
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Joe: Hey, everybody, thanks so much for joining the podcast and I appreciate you listening and I have an exciting guest today. Rocky and I only met recently on clubhouse. We don’t know each other that well, but for me, this is going to be an exciting episode. What he does speaks to my heart. We’re going to use me as an example today. He’s going to work with me during this conversation. And I’m going to ask him questions that any of you might be able to ask him if you’d hired him to coach you and to help you through whatever it is that you’re working on. And so I’m very excited to have. Rocky Garza, thank you for coming on, Rocky. It’s a pleasure to have you.
Rocky: Yeah, thank you so much, Joe. It is an honor to be here. It was fun being in in the room, a clubhouse together. And looking back now, I was trying to think about it this morning. Like, what room? What are we and where we even landed here. And I don’t exactly remember even what the room was, but I know at some point you had mentioned and said something that I thought, you know what? I’m going to I’m going to reach out. I know I shot at the end and we went from there. But I was thinking this morning, how do we even land here? But you know what? I’m I’m the kind of person that. All I know is I was supposed to be here and something you said resonated enough to be able to say, I’m going to reach out and it’s been less than 10 days and here we are. So I’m really glad to be here.
Joe: Yeah, that’s perfect. It’s the way it should happen, it should be that people resonate with each other. There’s something that that they can mutually benefit from and then also help the rest of the world by serving in some way. So I’m excited about this. So I like to always start these off to give as much time as you need. But I like to do a back story. I like to know where you are, who you
Joe: Are, where you came from, where you are today. How did you get there from where you were.
Joe: So if you don’t
Joe: Mind doing that, it would be
Rocky: Yeah. Yeah, I would love that, I love that. I think so much, yeah. So I’m going to go all the way back to the beginning because I think there is value for all of us as we begin to begin or continue to kind of unpack who we are and what that means for kind of the steps and the actions we will take moving forward from our present day. I think I think we kind of have to go back to the beginning. And I’m sure we’ve all heard phrase like our origin story or in childhood as like. And so I think there’s there’s an immense value in our ability to do that. And so I was born in Kansas, but I only lived there for like two weeks. And then I moved back to Dallas. And so I don’t claim Kansas other than it’s on my birth certificate. But Dallas, Texas, has always been home for me. My parents got divorced when I was two and so my dad got remarried when I was seven. He’s still married, has two boys, so I have two half brothers, but I never live with my dad. Growing up after my parents got divorced, I moved a ton growing up like like 13 times before I graduated high school just from either my mom’s house, my grandparents back to my mom’s to a different house, to back to my grandparents and so on. And really, a lot of that was like pre seventh grade. My mom’s been married and divorced a few times, slash jobs, slash just life change.
Rocky: And so we moved. We moved around a bunch. I’m an only child, my mom’s only child. So it’s kind of just me and her slash me and my grandma immigrant, my grandfather. That’s kind of how my life was growing up. And I went to junior high. I went to high school, graduated high school, went to junior college for a couple of years, mostly because I didn’t know what I wanted to do and I thought I was going to go play football. And then at the last point, I was like, I don’t even really like football that much. Like, why would I go do that for four years? That doesn’t seem like a good idea. Anyway, I went to junior college for a couple of years, transferred to A&M here in Texas is where I went to college for my junior and senior year. Where I graduated from went there on a Fulbright scholarship. I’m not an academic and I barely graduated college. But somehow, via my survival tactics of charisma and words and being in the right place at the right time, I found my way into a full ride scholarship to college. After my first semester in college, I lost my scholarship because I didn’t make grades. I didn’t fail out of college, but I just didn’t keep that GPA that you’re supposed to have to keep or someone pays for you to go to school. And I look back and I kind of use that and there’s probably, you know, a hundred pivotal moments prior to that.
Rocky: But but I always kind of lead up to that moment because I think for me, that was probably the first time as a as a semi adult, I guess I really wasn’t adult. Yeah. But a semi adult to realize that was kind of the first pivotal thing in my life that kind of put me in a position to look back and recognize what decisions I had been making up into that point. You know, I think for all of us, I’m a pretty firm believer that whatever happens to us between the ages of six and 12 that we do to survive. And when I say survive, I don’t necessarily mean life or death, but I do mean what we do to get by right now. Some of us, that is our story. But for many of us, it’s not to say life and death, but survival is how did we form what we knew to be true about the world, test those theories and then find out they were, in fact, true. That’s kind of the progression of our childhood. And so to me, that that that a six to twelve age is really foundational in that it’s where we are abstracting things to see how they work. I learned between ages of six and 12, if I could out. Thank you. Outtalk talk you out with you out, shmooze you out, connect. You get to know you what I would call it invulnerability now is more a mature adult.
Rocky: I actually look back and say, call disclosure. I was actually not being about anything. I was just disclosing the same information to you. I was told everybody else, but I learned that if I could do that in such a way, it would allow me and in but also keep me safe enough that if you left or I left, you couldn’t hurt me like the people in my past had right there. Like this fear of being left is fear of being abandoned, this fear of not being loved. I had found a way to navigate myself in such a way that I could keep myself away from you, but also convinced you we were close enough. Right. And I think this moment when I look at college and losing my scholarship was this moment of going. I’m finding myself. I’m twenty years old. I’m in college. I now have no money for school. I haven’t talked to my dad in three years. I haven’t seen my mom in a year and a half. I don’t really have any really good friends because I’ve isolated myself in this weird dynamic of him. I close. Am I not close? What does it actually mean? And everyone thinks that I’m awesome and that they love me. And simultaneously I’ve never felt more alone in my life. And I think if I look at my life, this is not Saddam seven. And a lot of counseling, I feel pretty good about where I’m at today, OK, but I think as I look at that point in my life and go.
Rocky: All the things that I was doing, all the activity that I was that I was involved in, all the pieces that I was attempting to put together have led me to a place where I am the most alone, the most isolated and recognizing, the most unfulfilled that I have ever been. And yet. There has to be something else, there has to be something different than what I have been doing over and over and over and over, and so I don’t know what the answer was. I just knew whatever I’d been doing, it ain’t working. And we’ve got to try something else. And so, thankfully, I ended up finding a way to get my grandparents kind of stepped in and help me pay for college. And really from that point on, that was back in 2000, 1990. Sorry, sorry. That’s not true. I was back in 2003, really from then until now. So the last 17, 18 years has really been for me, I think as I look back has been this journey of discovery, this this space of going how do I, one, discover and uncover who I am to find a way to believe that is good. So clarity is one thing, but confidence in that clarity is something totally different. And then once I believe it’s good, how do I like actively and then actually do something about it? How do I use that in my life? And I end up going to a place called Sky Ranch here in Texas.
Rocky: It’s a summer camp for kids. And I worked there full time for a few years right out of college. I was actually on pastoral staff at a church for about three and a half years. After that, I, I met my wife. We started a photography business back in 2010, and we did that full time together for about five years. And then I started the company I have now about six years ago. And so and that’s that’s a fast track of 15 years there. But in all of that, it was this discovery. Identify. Look to see if it actually is good, if I believe it’s good, how do I uncover the wounds? You know, there’s there’s a kind of cheesy phrase I say often, but it’s like in order to dress your wounds, you have to address your wounds. And I think for me, in that period of time, it was like me addressing my wounds, like, hey, how many times did somebody to say, Hey, bro, you’re bleeding? Before I was like, look at look at that. That is what that is like. And I think the last 15 years has been this these continual perpetual moments. And it sounds a little bit like sad and hurtful. And this definitely moments of sad and hurtful. But how beautiful does it feel the moment we recognize we have a wound and we address it and then we address it? How much better is that? Right.
Rocky: That’s the only way healing can happen. And so for me, that career, such job I have now, for me as a marriage of my life experience, how do I take everything that I’ve seen and known growing up? How do I marry that with eight years of full time ministry, which I just defined as deeply caring for people with a fundamental belief that I think people are good and then marry that with eight to 10 years of entrepreneurship and go, how do we take what we have experienced in our life with a fundamental belief that we are good and put that together to go, what do I get to experience? What is the freedom that could come from the reality of allowing myself to fully be known? What is involved in that freedom, is it is it that I get to make more money if that’s my desire? Probably is that I get to have deeper relationships, because that’s something that I’m pursuing. Probably this that I have find a freedom to sit in isolation. I don’t feel fear that everyone’s going to judge me or not like me. And I consistently say I’m a people pleaser when in fact I’m just a relationship seeker, probably. But I think it comes back to we have to start in a space to go. Am I known? I mean, do I know myself? Do I have a language for that? Am I clear about that? Do I have confidence that it’s good to have the courage to live it out? And then finally, do I have the conviction that says this is a deep sea to believe I am no longer willing to jeopardize? And that is that is that is a huge and mixed with millions of, you know, variables.
Rocky: They go into all that. But for where I am today, you know, why why do I wake up every day today? I would say that I wake up every day because I want to be able to challenge others to live vulnerably so that you can experience the freedom that comes with being fully known. And in that freedom, as I think where we landed this place to go, financial freedom, relational freedom, confidence in ourselves, trust that we are good. But I think it begins by beginning to live vulnerable because I define vulnerability as creating the opportunity to see and be seen by others. If we can’t start there, then we don’t actually know what we’re looking at. So there is no clarity. And if there’s no clarity, then the other things don’t happen either. And so it’s not always that linear and that simple. But at the same time, I kind of think sometimes it is that linear and it is that simple. We’ve got to be able to go back, though, to a place to where we can begin to uproot and uncover what those fear, doubts, obstacles, insecurities are so that we can begin to make a path for.
Joe: Wow, that’s powerful. That’s a you sure went through a lot in the short amount of time, but I appreciate you laying all that out. Do you feel like you’re in the best place you’ve ever been at this point in your life?
Rocky: I simultaneously feel like I am actively moving in the clearest I have ever felt about me, what I do and what I can do for someone and question almost every day, is this exactly what I’m supposed to be doing? And if I could really hone in to what I really think I should be doing and I say doing, I mean, for me to get really specific business, product, service price, like if I could if I could, you know, move ourself in, do I think in my life, is this the most clear and free I’ve ever felt? 100 percent. I was looking back and Instagram on my 30th birthday. I’m thirty seven now. I’ll be 38 this year. So almost eight years ago I was in Marfa, Texas with two friends. We had no kids yet and I put an Instagram post. It was like me standing back when I used to have hair shout out to people like you and me and I used to have hair. If you don’t know that John are both bald and I would sit in front of this bus and Marfa and I had a I was like 11:00 a.m. with a margarita taco on my hand. And my my my caption was like, I’m 30 years old today. It is the best I have felt physically, mentally, spiritually, like emotionally like man. Great. And I look back at that and I’m like, what a joke. Because today I’m like, I feel the muscle, you know.
Rocky: But but I think. What does that mean? It’s been a constant upward trajectory. No, it’s been I mean, it’s been it’s looked about ninety seven bell curves between that moment in this moment. Right. But I think in that to go why I think I come back to to answer your question. Why come back to go like like with like service, product and price. I guess that they’re right because I think I feel so passionately about who I am and the belief that it’s good and what I can do with that, that it’s it’s a whole other conversation and podcast episode to go. How do we take that and then find a way to meet a need in the market, find a way to communicate it effectively at a price point that is doable, that is actually sustainable, that it’s not in exchange for time for money and really build a business out of that. That’s the million dollar, no pun intended question for me. I think a lot of the time, and it’s do I believe in myself what I’m doing? And I’m confident in my ability to affect change in someone’s life. One hundred percent do I always feel confident, know how to sell that know. And I’m learning more and more that that’s OK. And I need to go to people for help, because if I go back and say, what am I good at, it’s not any of those things. And so that’s OK. But I have to be able to be also confident if I need people in my life to help me, because I’m not sure I can get there. And I should say that I am 100 percent positive I cannot get there by myself.
Joe: Right. So you, from my understanding now, you are a coach as one of the things that you do. You’re an author,
Joe: You’re a coach. We’re going to talk about your book later on in the podcast.
Joe: The book that’s coming out. But from my own research, I saw certain podcast episodes you were on, either the ones that you’ve done yourself with guest videos. And I saw a piece about identity mapping that
Joe: You talk about. And I
Joe: Also saw another thing about self-love and but it was self-love focused towards men. Right. Because it is a different thing for sure,
Joe: Guys just don’t think that way. Right. And so that was interesting
Joe: As well.
Joe: But so let’s use me as an example. OK, I am not allowed to tell you my
Joe: Age because I’ve been telling my age too much and my girlfriend Joan thinks that I’m going to it’s going to cause
Joe: Me harm if I keep saying the age that I am. And so I’m not going to tell you my age, but I’m all of that. So I’ve gone through my whole life, my and my ultimate focus when I first started was to eventually tour the world as a as a musician and be this this famous drummer and tour with John Mayer, let’s say, as an example. So I went to college for music, but then when I got out,
Joe: I became an entrepreneur living down in New York City. I still played I was like a weekend warrior and would go play gigs Thursday through Sunday. But my focus was building a business because I took the mind frame of, hey, instead of me acting as, you know, like being a musician and struggling to make it, how about I do something that I know I’m really good at right now, which is being creating a business, being an entrepreneur, having that business be successful so that I didn’t have to worry about the financial piece any longer.
Joe: And then having the money I could go then now pursue a music career and buy my own tour bus and pay really great musicians to be part of my band. And so this was the frame of mind that I had a
Rocky: Mm hmm.
Joe: Bad, bad move. I would never tell any person in any career of anything, not just music, but anything that you got to go full steam ahead towards the thing that you want. And you can’t have there. There’s people that have different theories on burning the boats and not having a Plan B.. I’m all in on just have that plan and go for it. Burn the boats, do not
Joe: Have a plan B and it’ll happen if you put in the work. I didn’t put in the work musically, so I am where I am today. I take on all the responsibility that I didn’t do what I needed to the 10000 hours to be John Mayer Strummer.
Joe: Now fast forward, I am successful as a entertainment booking agent. I own my own company and Phoenix started
Joe: It in 2011 was when it first started and it became more official around 2013. Successful Management Entertainment Booking Agency does it. I like it. I’m good at it. I like doing it. Does it does it make my soul sing now? Probably not. Have I found what I should be doing in this world? I don’t think so.
Joe: Am I? Am I servicing? Am I, am I giving to the world something that leaves a legacy that I feel really good about? Yeah, I put hundreds of musicians to work every year, but is that how I want to be remembered? I don’t think so.
Joe: So this
Joe: Is where
Joe: You come in. So
Joe: I sit every day now and I struggle going, OK, I like doing my podcast. I love meeting people like you. I love surrounding myself by humble, kind, successful entrepreneurs, not the ones who are constantly boasting on clubhouse that they’re multibillionaires and this and that and taking pictures in front of Lamborghinis and jets. So I’m going through the struggle of identity purpose.
Joe: How how do I service
Joe: The world?
Rocky: Yeah, so my first question almost always, and not because I expect you to be and if you rattle off an answer, we’re going to get to work. If you don’t, then you’re in the 99 percent of us who don’t always have an answer. So I’m going to give that give you that freedom, but. What do you want?
Joe: So this is the part that’s that’s tough because we talk about I want financial freedom where I never have to think about money
Rocky: Ok, so
Joe: It and
Joe: I want
Joe: It also because I want it to be able to help my family first, which is what’s in my brother. I don’t have my my parents are no longer alive, but my brother and my sister, obviously my immediate family, Joel and my girlfriend of 20 some years,
Joe: Know, her daughter, my two kids and my immediate family. And then from there, I would love to be able to give four hundred thousand dollars a year to that charity and give a million dollars
Rocky: Mm hmm.
Joe: A year to that charity
Rocky: Mm hmm.
Joe: And go over and build schools and whatever. Just I didn’t
Joe: Have to think about that piece of it.
Rocky: Yeah, OK, so tell me what you feel like, what is accomplished if and when you are able to achieve. If I say what do you want and your your guttural response is financial freedom. OK, then you broke down for me what financial freedom looks like the practical side of where the money would go and that what do you feel like is going to happen? What what what changes for you if you don’t have to think about money anymore?
Joe: That any action that I take that I feel is the right action. I don’t have to think whether or not money plays a part in that because
Joe: That has been removed, that’s been taken off the table. So
Rocky: So right
Rocky: Now, the biggest yeah, right now the biggest inhibitor to you really pursuing what you believe at any moment is that the first question that always comes to mind is what is the financial implication of this decision? And do I have the capacity to make this decision based on my other responsibilities? I have other places with money. If I choose this question number one always is, what is the financial implication of this?
Joe: Correct, especially
Joe: At an older age, you’re like, OK,
Joe: I’ve been busting my hump, by no means am I in any financial distress, but
Joe: To just never
Rocky: To not
Joe: About saying, hey, I’m going to go and spend a month helping someone to build schools because it’s something that’s good and it gives back that would be cool to do.
Rocky: Ok, OK, so let’s use that, let’s use that, why can you not go to Guatemala in May for a month this year to go help build a school? Why can’t you go do that?
Joe: Because if my focus is on doing something like that, then I can’t focus on at this point running the business that I have because I had four employees before covid hit. Now it’s me. So I’m literally running this entire business alone
Joe: The money
Joe: Dries up if I’m
Joe: Not doing it right.
Rocky: Yeah, right, OK, so what I want to say, so it’s beautiful. Thank you. What I just heard you say is right now, the problem is not money right now, the problem is, is that given a million external circumstances that we couldn’t control. I mean, I’m with I’m in the same boat as you right now. The problem is not money. Right now. The tension we are feeling is that we are in a position that our work requires us and therefore our work. We are questioning whether or not that work that we are doing is the thing we actually want to be doing.
Joe: Mm hmm.
Rocky: Because I think if you love your your work that you were doing. Again, we’re not saying you don’t like it. Everybody who’s listening to shut out your client or work with him, he loves it. OK, just take that note. Joe
Rocky: Loves a job.
Joe: Like that good.
Rocky: What we’re saying is it’s not that you don’t like your work. We’re saying is you feel a longing to pursue and do something different with your time. Maybe we’re not sure what that is, but it feels like the contingency point to give you the freedom to go do that is the fear that if I did that, will there be money? And by money we mean will there be safety? And by safety we mean will we be OK and be OK? Meaning will I have to rely on someone again? Because where I’ve relied on people in the past, they have let me down and I am unwilling to commit myself to something or someone where that you have the opportunity to walk and it is fundamentally destructive to me. You will not do that to me again,
Joe: Yeah, and it’s it’s wanting to do something so much bigger.
Rocky: And I would say I want to challenge you because it’s part of my my role and who I am as a person. I want you to do an exercise whenever we’re done here, just we’ll chat about it again offline is I want you to really look at it and define what it is that you see and believe that impact is directly a result and equal to size as opposed it is to depth. I hear you saying I want to have a broad impact. I want to do something that is seen in big and broad. And I’m saying just as a challenge, not because I’m right. What about depth, though? What about the artist who you work with who couldn’t pay their rent or buy groceries for their child if you weren’t helping them get gigs? And their life is fundamentally different because you’ve taken a risk to be the person that allows them to pursue something they love that you are unwilling to do, that they are willing to do. And you are actually a proponent for hundreds of musicians to fulfill their dreams and feed their families. And without you as an integral piece in their life, they would not be able to fulfill something significant in who they believe that they are. And so because of that, your impact is so deep and with one hundred artists is in fact broad and wide that your breadth and depth actually are simultaneously changing the lives of every person that hires you and works with you because they could not pursue their dream in the way you wish someone would have stood in the gap for you.
Rocky: Twenty five, thirty five years ago. You are consistently standing in the gap and providing that opportunity for somebody else. And so sure, it’s not sexy like a school in Guatemala. Sure. It’s not as elaborate as writing a massive check that we get to go to the gala for when covid is over and drink champagne and someone gives us a little plaque that we’re going to throw away so we don’t care about anyone. That’s not why we gave the money. It’s not the freedom. I wish I could just choose whatever I want. No, you don’t. You are choosing what you want. If you didn’t if you weren’t choosing what you wanted, you wouldn’t be doing it. Every human being. This is not just for Joan was for you as a listener. You say I’m doing something I don’t really want to. Yes, you do. If you didn’t want to, you wouldn’t do it, period. Well, I can’t do that because if I don’t do this, I won’t have enough money.
Rocky: So go to an apartment, sell your house, get rid of your car, ride the train. You don’t you don’t want to do that. You want to do that. You do what you want. Generally speaking, outside of external circumstances were always out of our control, so I don’t don’t hear me say that if you’re like no, you don’t understand where I’m at, you’re correct. I don’t understand where you’re at. And if you’re in a position, you absolutely have to do what you’re doing and you hate it. Hey, we’ve all been there to some degree. So, I mean, I’m not making a statement about your abilities any anybody who’s listening, but here specifically for most of us. I think you are doing what you want. I think that we lose sight at times, that it is, in fact what we want. I think we lose sight at times about the impact we are really making. And so sure, maybe, maybe, Joe, maybe 40 years ago, you didn’t actually make the step that you wanted to take. But there’s hundreds of people a year that you are affecting change and given the opportunity to take that step and you and only you are the one who has the capacity to stand in the gap and help them do and see that.
Joe: Yeah, I mean, you’re right, I’ve gotten phone calls and texts and emails saying, dude, you saved my life this year, like you doubled my salary. You brought more opportunity to me than I have ever had before. But again, while I I do like getting those calls and emails and texts and I feel good about that, I feel like someone of my I don’t know who
Joe: I am.
Rocky: It, own it, own it,
Rocky: Say it.
Joe: It’s just like I feel like there’s I could do so much more I, I feel like I’m not living big enough.
Rocky: Ok, so
Rocky: So great, great. That is totally different and has nothing to do with financial freedom, it has nothing to do with depth or breadth. It is you feel in your soul there is something else before you die that there is you want to do and pursue. And so I’m going to challenge you to say, stop saying that it’s financial freedom that’s keeping you back. That is untrue. You have there has never been a moment you and I have known each other now for thirty five minutes. Exactly. OK, I know by just talking to you for thirty five minutes, there has never been a moment in Joe Costello’s life where he did not do and have the capacity to make sure that he had the ability to care for himself and those around him, no matter how hard it was he was one to do, was required to make it work. Right. OK, so nothing is different today than it was five years, 10 years or twenty five years ago. So if there’s something big and audacious, if there’s something you’re saying, this is this is it for me, if you’re saying I want to get to the root of this, other thing that I can talk about is like money and freedom and donations and but all those things fall into a philanthropic legacy, giving of self to other space that we could pick a million things that fall in that category. Great, then let’s do let’s figure out what do you want, what do you where do you really want to have an impact the day you’re gone? They say, man, that guy Joe. And I bet I bet if we went to your clients, you’ve had the longest that we pick 10 clients, you’ve had the longest and gave them a worksheet to fill out and say, could you give me the attributes about Joe? You appreciate what you like he has done for you, the impact he has had in your life.
Rocky: I bet every single one of them would say something very synonymous to each other. And then if we could take that and say, where do you want to point that energy? That is, Joe, the music, the the gigs, the entertainment that just happened to be the cat catnap, the tunnel, the vessel, the we knew it and we liked it and we found it out. And then, you know, fast forward 20 years. We wake up and here we are. I think you’re just saying I want to change the vessel, the work you’re doing. We’ve already agreed as impactful that people texting you saying you are changing my life, saving my life. That’s like shit that people send like a paramedic or their brain surgeon or like they don’t send that to their music manager like that. What is it? What does that even mean? OK, so we’re identifying the beauty. We are identifying the uniqueness. We are identifying the very specific impact that you have had, you currently have and you future have to continue to make. We are saying we got to do the work to identify where do I want to point that and where do I want to spend the next 15, 20, 30, 40 years? Pointing that energy, because I know that I have it and I know that I can now have a proven track record to say that it’s there. So where do I want to point it? I don’t want to think about what is inhibiting me from changing the direction. I want to identify the component that’s going to allow me to push it in that direction, moving forward.
Joe: So I’ve had other people on the podcast that in one of them happens to be a gentleman named Patrick Combs and Patrick and his partner Eric run a company called BLIS Champions. And the whole
Joe: Purpose of it is finding your bliss, right,
Joe: Finding your
Joe: Purpose. It’s it’s this and this has been the theme this whole past year. OK, what is it like? What covid hit the world shut down. Right. And so the entertainment business got hit really hard. So I basically had a list of things I wanted to do. Pot
Joe: Starting the podcast was one of them starting a YouTube channel, which alone was another thing we did. But when I sit here and I and I went through an exercise the other day where you make two columns and you make I forget what it was, if it was like all the things you’re good at and all the things you’re interested in or something like that, and you draw you draw an arrow from the left column to the right column to the thing that sort of matches that to narrow down what it is that you think you’re here to do. That’s the part. And I look at it like, oh, got at my age, why would I still be struggling to find that thing? And that’s the frustrating part. It’s like, how do people and this is for my audience to is anybody who’s listening. I am so jealous of anybody that has found their purpose. Their bliss wakes up every day. And this is what I was put here to do. This is what I love to do. And not only does this all work for me, but it actually creates this world that I like to live in. And I
Joe: And I and I don’t think about money like the combination
Rocky: Mm hmm.
Joe: Of having doing having your bliss, your purpose in your bliss and at the same time not thinking about anything financial. To me, that’s like the match made in heaven.
Rocky: I mean, my answer to that is, yeah, if you can if you find that course, hey, I’ll pay for both of us to go. And I say that and I say that, like 50 percent joking, also 50 percent serious. But I say that because I want to humanize for you and mostly for you and me, because we’re the ones talking. But for all for all the listeners as well. I want to humanize the reality. I want to humanize the statement of what you are saying and feeling that even as me someone that I want to make a few assumptions and then you correct me if I’m wrong, but like, you go and you’re like, OK, I look at this guy Rocky, and I look at this brand. And sure, he had a few broken links on his website, but that’s OK because I helped him with that. But he has a brand and he’s on point and his colors and his photos and he seems clear about what he’s doing. I heard him on clubhouse and I said yes on a podcast. And like he seems to be speaking true that he seems to be genuine and all the words you would use that you hope you could say about yourself. Right.
Rocky: He has this and isn’t it so? And I say, all right, because I want to humanize the reality of I’m sure that is true. I feel pretty good, like I have to be able to stand Konovalenko. I don’t have to caveat that. Like, I feel like I have a good marriage and I work really hard at it and I’m trying to be the best father that I can that with limited knowledge and experience of not really having one growing up. And I feel like I’m I’m crushing it like I love my kids and they love me and and both, not one or the other like. And so I have this idea that’s another a book that I want to write. So I’m going to pitch it here and we’ll see if it resonates. It resonates. We’ll write it if it doesn’t and scrap it, it’s terrible. So but I think we all live me too in this space. And there’s an old game we used to play when we were young called Two Truths in a Lie. Right. And you say two things are true. One’s a line. You got to guess which one. OK, I think we all collectively every day we have been lied to and conditioned that we forget that there are two truth in a lie and every statement that we make and then we go, I’m either going to have this or this, I’m either going to be the full expression of everything that I am and financial freedom. And it’s this or. Life’s really pretty hard. It’s kind of dull and it doesn’t make sense. And here’s the here’s the premise. There’s always two truth in a lie. And the two truths always exist together. And the only thing that makes life real and worth living is that both truths have to be true simultaneously. The lie is, is that we think we only have to believe one. The lie is we think only one is actually true, so you know what 20, 20 was like for you and me, I’m going to chalk it up. It was actually. Man, it was good, like we
Rocky: Good work.
Rocky: And it was really is costing a lot on your podcast I don’t get to listen
Rocky: It was good and it was really fucking hard.
Rocky: Both. So the two truths in the lie are that it was really good and really hard, and the lie says it’s either one or the other. And so for this scenario, for you guys, there’s got to be more I got there’s got to be something out there that I could just get this then this thing would happen. But instead I’m going to have this, which means Branfman, I guess it’ll just be it is what it is and everything is fine, but like, it wasn’t great. It was just like it worked. But no, what if what if what you’re doing now is working and the fact that it’s still working, it’s just you and yes. Sad for employees are gone. So you’re still kind of you’re back in the weeds again. But what you’re doing you can do in your sleep. You’ve got a podcast. You got this guy who’s bald with big eyebrows on your podcast right now we’re talking about. So you’ve got at least a little bit of autonomy to do what you want. Right. So
Rocky: Both can be true. Continue with what you’re doing and streamline, streamline, put it down, the process is squeeze it, systematize it as more than you already. I’m sure it already has, but make it even more so that we only need one employee to make up for the three we had last time to give by your time a little bit for you to have a little bit of breathing room to go. Both. I think I can have this and I think I can create the the depth of impact in every arena of my life. And I’m looking for. Because I think if we could you and me are our listeners, but you and me. If we could find the places where we recognize the depth of our impact was not only significant, but but it scratch the itch we had in ourselves and our own soul. We would think less about money. And listen, I’m a proponent for money, I’m trying to make money, I got a business, I want money and I got a business. Got what? I want some asking me how much I could make. I want to try to find it, make as much as I can. I’m all about money. I’m not. Let me be very clear about that. But when I go to my son’s room. He says, hey, dad, can you play with me? I say, sure, what you want to do. He says, I want to wrestle.
Rocky: So Carlos Resum. And I am experiencing a moment in my own life that I. Hardly ever experienced. As the son in that engagement. I’m not thinking about how much money that I made. I’m not thinking about who did or didn’t pay their invoice. I’m not thinking about it. I can I if I get enough money, you know what, I could wrestle as much as I wanted to if I made more money. Now, you know what? I can wrestle as much as I want to. That’s the end of the statement. I want to challenge somebody asked me I did a bunch of along along here on Instagram with stories yesterday and a good friend of mine messaged me this morning, he was like, hey, this is awesome. Also, why does this matter? And he wasn’t being a smart aleck. He was like, hey, I’m trying to help you to the expression to be fully known. He was like, what happens when you’re fully known? Why is that good? Why does it matter? What do I get? Why don’t I like hey, you’re a really good friend because I don’t want to talk about that much. I appreciate that. But I think our conversation today is kind of leading to that place to go. So. So. So then what, Rocky? You’re just telling me to just do what I want. No, I’m telling you, friend, you’re already doing what you want, but I feel like you don’t want to do it.
Rocky: So I’m asking you to ask yourself the question. What do you want? Do you want to know the language that you need to have for yourself so you can find the freedom to be able to pursue what you want? OK, then let’s do that. Let’s figure it out. Why do you do what you do? How do you do what you do? What do you do? That’s what identity mapping is. Identity mapping is a four hour process that you and me walk through one on one or me meeting a group of your team or organization walking around eight hours and you will leave, I can guarantee you 100 percent you will leave with a clearest language you have ever had about how you operate as a human being, not in professional, as a human. You will create 13 words in a piece of paper that are make impossible, it is mathematically impossible for anyone in the world who has ever been alive or currently alive. To choose the same 13 words as you know, put them in the same order, it’s impossible. And we’re not even talking about you, is it what you’re doing? We’re talking like 13 arbitrary words on a piece of paper. Some of us need language. That’s step one. We need language because we we’re not clear. We would call step one clarity. But clarity only comes when you can see something.
Rocky: If you don’t have a language, you can’t see it. So everything is a reaction. It is not as being proactive, as us being reactive. Right. So why aren’t some of us need language, I just don’t know I know what I’m good at, but I don’t really know how to. OK, you need words. Some of us have words. And that’s where we get calls. Like we have the words. I know why and how and what I know I’ve been doing a long time, but I just doesn’t feel like it’s good, you know, like I feel like I’m missing something. Well, that’s that’s comforting. Confidence is simply the ability to believe that it’s good. You referenced earlier and we talked about self-love and self care and how much specifically for men. You know, I think men most men lack confidence. We make up for the fact that we lack confidence by trying to conquer something as opposed to cultivating something. We think if we could conquer it, then we win as opposed to cultivating in the last forever. Nobody nobody who conquered something has a good legacy there, Nazel. But every person you know, has a great legacy, cultivated something beautiful because it’s still growing. That’s what a legacy is. A legacy is not a marker of what you did. A legacy is the fact that what you did continues to thrive. Right, and
Joe: It’s powerful. Yeah.
Rocky: Some of us, some of us need clarity, some of us need language, we get the language, then we need clarity. Can we see it right can as it makes sense to us? Yeah, OK. Do we have confidence? Can we look at that and believe it’s good self-confidence, the ability to look at yourself and say that is good. OK, got it cleared, economists break what’s next? Do you have the courage? Courage is the ability to move forward at any pace, even in the midst of fear and unknown, are you willing to every day move towards the thing that you really believe? Yes, I am. Great. And you did yesterday? Yep. Today, yes. Great lasta conviction. Do you believe that thing in your soul enough? That it is a deep seated belief you are unwilling to waver from or jeopardize. No matter what comes your way. Motivation is still your mind, you can do it. Inspiration is telling your heart, you can do it. Conviction is telling your soul. You must do it. That’s why Solasta takes a lot of work. And so some of us, we need language, some of us get the language and identity mapping, then we need clarity. That means you need help, you need a coach, you need somebody like that.
Rocky: And me, it could be anybody you want, but we need somebody in our life to go, hey, help me see what I can’t see and help me have the confidence to believe that it’s good. And then at some point, people are in my space, I would say at that point, hey, we did our thing, we got the words, we got the clarity, we got the confidence. We’re ready. We’re doing it. I need a plan. Great. I have a good idea. Ideas. You probably know somebody other than me to execute the plan, though, because I’m still trying figure out my own plan. I’m problematic, I should say, about your plan. Right. Like I know where my but where the stops and I’m ready to pass you on to the next man or woman who can really help you. And so I think for all of us, we find ourselves in any variable of any one of those places at any point in time. I think it begins by us acknowledging that what is that place and where am I at and. Am going to do with that.
Joe: Yeah, I feel like going through this process and and not only telling you this story on this episode, but having this conversation with myself, having this conversation with Joel and having it with other friends, that to me, it’s the more and more I can talk about it. My hope is that the clarity will come because I have to like you said, it’s super important. It’s the language, right? It’s how you you talk about it and it’s saying more of what you want as opposed to more what you don’t want. Right. Because what you think about and what you talk about is what ends up becoming more true. So you have to be careful about the words you use and the thoughts you think. That’s why it’s fun to talk about this with you, because the more and more I talk about it, I feel like it helps to my hope is that it helps to bring clarity at some point and say this is what you were here to do. And the cool thing is that you hit upon us. Don’t throw away the baby with the bathwater, like you’ve already done a lot of cool things and you’ve helped people. But, you know, I think I’m in a different stage now. So what do I do with the remaining 40 years of my life if I if I actually reach that so.
Rocky: And I think and I think I think that’s a great question to ask, and I think there’s great opportunity for all of us to think about, to consider, regardless of our age and where we are in our career, our job, whatever language we want to use, there is great opportunity for us to be able to say today, I’m not going to talk about what I don’t want. I’m going to talk about what I do want. And then I’m going to I’m going to look and say, do I think I have the words to identify that I don’t ask for help? I don’t either. My whole business is how many people have identity, purpose, understanding who you are, what that means and why that matters to be fully known. And you know what I did last week and I’m doing this week, I got three different people coming to my office to help me work through a process to really hone in my why what it is because I can’t do it by myself. Doesn’t work that way, humans, we’re not we’re not designed that way. Right,
Rocky: We have only we only have eyes in the front of our head for a reason. So we were made to have somebody behind this or maybe have somebody with us.
Rocky: And so I hope if you’re listening today and you’re joining us wherever you are in the car at home, and I hope you if I could leave you with anything, it would be that don’t let fear of school and security. They all exist. They’re all human. We all have them to say, you don’t. You’re lying. Yes, you do. Showing the crowd coming to the party. But don’t let those things be the lie that we continue to believe that inhibit us from really pursuing the things that we love, the people we love, the relationships that we love. Daouda, sneaky man. It doesn’t it’s it’s sneaky. It doesn’t care about us. It is. It will wait. It is patient. And just the moment you think you have the guts to do it, it’s going to remind you of some B.S. story that somebody told you at some point in your life. Don’t don’t let it win. It’s work, it’s work, digging, uprooting, cultivating, unearthing, it ain’t easy. I can tell you that right now. Not easy, but it can be not easy and good. Both things can be true. Is it’s only going to be one or the other. That’s just not how it works.
Joe: Yeah, that’s a powerful statement you brought up in this this episode. It’s really cool that know the one line, the two truths, right? It’s it’s a cool thing to remember to keep that in your mind. And I. I like that a lot. It was really cool.
Rocky: Yeah, yeah, thank you.
Joe: So do me a favor. Let’s talk about the book
Rocky: Yeah, yeah, so
Rocky: The book is called Kill Doubt, Build Conviction, and kind of under the premise of really what I talked about here just in this last part. So I’m kind of at a place where in my experience in working with individuals in my own life, I believe there are two stories that are at play in our life at all times. The stories that are told to us about us and the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. Those two stories hold an immense amount of weight. They become wildly impactful when they intersect. So I grew up people telling my whole life stories told to me about me. Rocky, too intense. You’re too emotional. You’re too this year, too. Right. And so when that story, I can’t control that. Now, be very clear that if the story told to me about me, I can control that. But when the story I tell myself about myself is rockier, too intense, and you see their face, you see his face when you were talking to him, calm down. It’s not too much. Now, what happens is those two stories collide. And upon that intersection, I believe, is where doubt, fear an obstacle is born. It’s birthed in that moment. And every time those intersect again, it grows legs and grows feet and grows arms and becomes more active in her life. The book is a half one part workbook, one part my story, one part encouragement to you to go. Hey, how do we begin to unpack that? We lay out the concept of the two truths. We lay out each story and have you walk through that of your own life.
Rocky: We have you get to a place, you go now look for ones that are complementary. That doesn’t mean they’re good. It just means they match. Right. Rocky, you’re too intense. Rocky tells himself, Rocky, you’re too intense. That’s a complementary story at that intersection. I need to identify my doubt, that is. I’m too much for people, the lie people will not love me if that’s who I am, the truth, I am intense and it is good, right? And so the book is out as I process about seven or eight chapters where we walk through that that process. He let me lay out the concept. Here’s what it looks like and then get to work. Start making your chart, fill out your story, find that out, finally find the truth. And then we kind of walk you with that through either email or text options we have that we ask you then of a chapter and they text me right now. Tell me what you just found out and then we’re to make sure we follow with you to make sure that we can do that. And so the book killed out. Build conviction. You can get a copy. You can order one today. Rocky Garcia dot com. There’s a link there or Iraqi Gaza dot com sketchbook and it should take you right to it. Order copy. And we’ll we’ll ship it out. There it is in editing slash printing right now. So they should ship sometime end of April.
Joe: Cool. OK, so are you only going to have it on your side or do you think it will eventually be up on Amazon or somewhere else like that?
Rocky: Yeah, yeah, so we’ll see for now, it’ll just be on our site,
Rocky: One for it in full transparency, just for a traffic and final just to drive people to our site. I
Joe: Mm hmm.
Rocky: Go to a conference, they speak, hey, go get it. Go to our website and read everything else while you’re there. And I think also just this is my first experience and writing a book I would have if you’d have told me I was going to write a book a year ago, I would have laughed at you. I’m a talker, not a writer. Come to find out, you can write books by talking. You just use dictation and talk and that pops up into a word. Documents. Beautiful. And so so we’ll see, I think, as as more things come, you know, for those for those folks who have written books before I thought about it, you know, it’s a very interesting process to publish self publish, go to the publisher and so on and so forth. And
Rocky: Right right now, Rakhi Gaza is not a name that any publishers like, hey, do we want you to write a book? So if that happens, I’m sure we’d go the Amazon route and put in there at some point. But for now, I just I want to help some folks and I think the best way to do that is to go to go get it at that place. So.
Joe: Perfect. What’s the best way for the audience to get in contact with you, what’s your preferred method of communication? So you have Rocky Gaza dotcom, correct,
Rocky: Yep, yep,
Joe: As your
Rocky: So you could
Rocky: You could check out Rajab’s dot com for speaking, so I spent about a third of my time keynote speaking in workshops both for what I call external conferences meeting and individuals going to put on a conference for a group of people they can buy a ticket to and then internal conferences. So business and organizations hire me to come and speak to their staff. A third of my time is kind of spent in the team space working directly with teams and organizations in a smaller format, more intensive identity mapping for teams, basically, and then about a third of my time with individuals. So doing one on one coaching, we’ve got a 12 week program that folks can jump into. It includes a four hour identity mapping session. And then we meet once a week every week for 12 weeks to really help people get to that stage lifecycle. Hey, you’re clear and ready to be handed off to kind of jump into that next arena. So, yeah, hit me up on Instagram, clubhouse, Facebook. There’s not a lot of rocky ghazi’s out there. And so I try to be the first to grab those names. So it’s just at Rockie, Gaza, on every platform that you could want to find me on or that I would want to be on. I’m there not a tick talker, but Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn and website, also clubhouse. You can catch me on any of those.
Joe: Right. All right, man, well, I appreciate your time today, I appreciate going through this this exercise with you. I hope it was helpful to the audience and I love the work that you’re doing. It speaks to me, as you can tell. I’m going through the process myself. And it was really it was an honor to have you here and to talk this through with you. I really appreciate your time.
Rocky: Yeah, thank you so much, Jim, I appreciate it was great to connect on clubhouse. Thanks for having me on the show and I look forward to talking to you again.
Joe: Yeah, my pleasure, man, you take care. OK.
Rocky: Thank you so much.